There are a lot of things I think I understand. A lot of things I have no clue about and pretend to understand and then something will happen that shoves all that assumption right back into my face. I think I have people all figured out and wham! Someone does something so surprising I flounder for a long time after.

The only things I really know, I think are the things I can see for myself. A lot of times, I’ll consider an issue for a week and then move on, like a train on its course and when it gets to the end of the track it continues on a different route. (And those surprises could be signs of derailment, perhaps.)

This week my obsession is politics. Politics and what they were originally meant to be and how that compares to what they are now.

I know in the beginning of the US, there was no real freedom. Not for women, not for black or indians, not for just about anyone. I know we have a history of gluttony, that we produce 50% of the world’s waste, but in theory, America was a good idea. It was supposed to be strong (check!), equal (half-check), just (quarter-check), and the people who ran it were supposed to be trusted (no check).

Doesn’t it say something that when people go to vote, they don’t vote FOR someone. They don’t vote for the candidate they think will make the most improvements…they vote for the candidate that will screw up the least. They pick the lesser evil over the great one. To me, that’s like only living halfway because while we might have a president who cares enough for the country to keep his job, that’s about it. A president who cares more for looking good in the history books and living in comfort than anyone else…and they’re even considered the lesser evil!

I know people aren’t perfect. I don’t even have a good concept of perfect because the only image that comes to mind when I think of it is something I’ve never seen and can never understand. I know most people, when given the chance to be president or VP or, hell, just some lowly assistant executive, they’d do the exact same thing that most political candidates would. They’s scramble to the top and spout things the public wants to hear and never really go through with anything. They’d make radical decisions to keep their position, do deals that aren’t, necessarily, for the good of ALL the people (or even the majority!) I know most people would look after themselves first…I mean, it’s self preservation, and who wouldn’t do anything to dodge the bullet coming right for their head?

I’d want to see someone who wouldn’t dodge if it meant that bullet would kill the person standing behind them.

I’m young. Too young to have seen very much or know very much…I’ve never been out of my state but for a short trip…I’ve never had someone I loved more than anything die, I’ve never been hurt because I’m not ruthless enough…I’ve never felt so desperate to keep things from changing that I made a radical decision that wounded more than it healed. I’ve never been in that position before.

And I’m sure there are very, very few people who would take the bullet, who would risk their career and their life for the position to which they’ve been elected…but out of a country of what? Three hundred million? You’d think there would be just one. Just one who wouldn’t make a deal with an oil company or put stock in a company when it uses slave labor in third world countries. You’d think there would be one who cared more about what would work in the long run than what works for this moment, this term. That even if they were impeached, it would mean they lost their job changing something that needed to be changed.

People are picky. That’s such a massive understatement. I see it every day. My dad’s a conservative republican and he’s always saying things like, “Yeah, raise my taxes why don’t you?”

The thing I don’t get about that is why people believe change can happen without sacrifice. It’s that whole balance theory, that nothing good can happen without a little effort. And it makes me wonder if people have grown so lazy and used to only taking care of themselves that they wouldn’t give just a bit more for the overall good.

I’m not democrat. I know that, because there are a lot of things I disagree with when people talk about what it means to be a liberal and the like. I’m not a republican. I’m not conservative because I know that even if paying more means I go without the name brand cereal for a month, what does it matter if it helps someone else?

A lot of people have lost faith in the government. They’ve lost faith in anything federal because there have been so many misuses of the law, so many delays and put-offs and consequences that no one really believes in the best of politicians. And you know what? Neither do I. I see all these subtle aggressions, all these commercials dissing other candidates and I know the system’s gone to hell.

So what? So the candidates suck and the system has loopholes. So what?

You change it. You change politics. Not the people, but the way everything’s run, the way things are done. You make a new party, some kind of open party that doesn’t make underground deals or shave some tax money off for their sponsers. You make a party and find a candidate that cares more for the lonely twelve-year-old immigrant running from slave traders than the high-class marketing executive who sends you vintage wines with your breakfast.

I’m starting to think I might be somewhat liberal.

But also, you’d let citizens keep who they are. You’d let them keep paying the same thing every year and doing the same thing but you’d change what comes out of it. You’d change where the taxes go, you’d change the setup of the government and get rid of all the draining, useless jobs and get rid of national debt before you get rid of your own debt.

I see what politics are. I see how much they’re hated because everyone knows that not one of the candidates presented wants good for the people more then they want good for themselves or their family. I see how people contest issues about taking away rights and who should have what and in the end there is no fairness or equality, just who can raise the most bribe money and who can kill the other’s support system the fastest.

I might not understand very much about politics, but I see what they are and what they do to people. What they make people do. And I completely disagree with every aspect of it, from the campaigning to the sponsoring…all of it.

So I’m just a kid and I don’t have experience. I just see what people do and I see the consequences. And I see how no one ever learns from what those people do, and the voters keep voting for oil companies and the oil companies keep voting for themselves.

Maybe people who really do want to make things better, maybe they do try but they always fail. And how do you know those people want the best? You don’t, really. That’s what sucks about it all. How everyone lies and then those people lie again and again and nothing ever changes and no one ever learns.

It’s sort of sad. And maybe I’m not seeing the whole picture, but I’m seeing every part of it that I can receive on the internet and on the news and in the newspaper. If that doesn’t show me the whole picture, what does? Where do I find this politician who does the best for the majority, who sacrifices everything for the majority?

I don’t know. Don’t ask me, I’m just a kid, and I’ve still got three more years before I can vote. Legally.